I know.
I know people come and go.
I know everyone is constantly developing, becoming different.
I know we all move on at some point.
That is why I have commitment issues. I’m afraid to fully give myself to someone. To trust a person completely. To put my heart in their hands. To be vulnerable; even to myself. The fact is, everyone is going to leave you sooner or later. So why bother building up relationships in the first place? Be it friendships, relationships. In the end, your family are the only ones you can go back to, you can rely on.
Call it ego. Call it pride. Call it whatever you want. But the world is so real, it hurts. But somehow, I still manage to make the best out of it. Most people don’t realize this but, nobody cares about your problems except your family, nobody is going to be there when you’re at your lowest of lows because why the heck should they give a fly? People listen because they want something to talk about; gossip.
The reason I don’t expose my emotions is because people tend to take advantage of sensitivity. There are a lot of things I don’t say, a lot of emotions I don’t show; my default expression is a happy one. But this doesn’t mean I don’t feel them. I’m pretentious in this sense, I know. I’ve been told. Sadly, that’s how one gets by in this cold, cold world.
So, I already know all this.
I know.
The worst part is: I still get hurt.
우린 처음에 영화 속에 나오는 그런 사랑했었지근데 항상 잘되는 것 같을때 왜 일이 그렇게 꼬이는지점점 난 사소한 일 가지고 따졌어더 자주 다투고 매일매일 싸웠어나도 모르게 널 밀어내 왜 우리의 행복과 같이 떠나가Oh no no 제발 가지마 모든 게 내 탓이야고칠 테니까 돌아와난 너 없이 안돼 항상 니 앞에 난 왜이렇게 사랑에 빠진 바보가 되는지 난 너한테만 약해나를 좀 봐봐 난 너무 아파I am so hurt girl I need a doctor남자니까 눈물을 흘리지 않아 그래도죽을 것 같아 난 너 없이 안돼I need you girl stay by my sidewanna be with u till the day we die내 곁에 있어줘 난 절대 난 죽어도널 놓칠 수가 없어
I hope I pronounced everything correctly. I only had haft a year of Korean lessons. *FAIL*
TRANSLATION:
At first, we had a love like the ones in the movies
But whenever things seem good, it gets complicated
I kept arguing about the littlest things
We argued more often and fought every day
And without knowing, I pushed you away
You left with our happiness
Oh no no please don’t go, everything is my fault
I’ll fix it so come back
I can’t live without you -
I don’t know why I’m always
A fool that is in love when I’m in front of you
I’m only weak toward you
Please look at me - it hurts so much
I am so hurt girl I need a doctor
Because I’m a guy, I won’t cry but still
I feel like I could die - I can’t live without you
I need you girl stay by my side
Wanna be with you till the day we die
Please stay by my side - even if I die,
I can’t lose you
But this is my sanctuary so… I do what I want. *ghetto slang* lolwhut?
Just because you were my best friend or rather, close friend (because I don’t like calling people my ‘best friend’ since all my ‘best friends’ in the past turned out to be total backstabbers and unreliable asses), doesn’t mean you can suddenly reappear after a 3/4 year hiatus and talk to me like you friggin’ know me so goddamn well.
In that 3/4 years, I’ve changed, you’ve changed and this whole damn world has changed in one way or another; no matter big or small. You don’t come up to me and start criticizing shit I do just because it ain’t what I would normally do a few years back.
I don’t mind if you use informal language, that’s fine. But don’t compare the ‘me’ now to the bitch in the past. Because it annoys me to no friggin’ end. If you’re going to ask me why I suddenly (which isn’t all that sudden since I was already planning it for two years) got tattoos, why I’m working in places like bars and clubs, why I’m growing my hair out, why I’m mixing with the people I’m befriending now, etc just because you’re subtly disapproving then don’t bother. Seriously.
Because I know you’re not asking out of concern. You’re asking because you wanna go tell our old friends that I’ve ‘changed’. No shit, Sherlock. Erm, it’s called GROWING UP. You should like, give it a try sometime, y’know? Changed for the worst? In your opinion, maybe.
Look, you were someone who was close to the teenage me. I wasn’t that complicated back then and neither were you. I’m turning 20 next year, man. My thoughts, my actions, my reaction, they have all changed. For better or for worst, that’s for my parents to judge. For myself to judge. Not you.
Don’t like the me now? Go take a hike.
Oh and one more thing (since it’s kinda related to the above rant), I appreciate the people who would go to great extends to maintain our friendship, but if you cross the line, it gets disturbing and somewhat irritating.
I mean, I appreciate it shit loads man; you make me feel loved. But I’m constantly turning down outing requests for a reason, and a good one too. Sleep and I? We share a messed up relationship. No matter how I plan my schedule, sleep continues to evade me. Hence, every time I’m blessed with free time, I sleep.
Some of my friends think I’m being a spoilsport no matter how many times I’ve explained this to them. The constant phone calls and text messages prompting me to say yes is actually just motivating me to off my phone and even consider changing my number.
So here I am begging you wonderful people, stop pushing me to go out with you. There is really no nicer way to put this. Sorry. When I say I can’t make it, I REALLY DON’T WANT TO. Not because I hate anyone, it’s because I feel like a friggin’ zombie.
It’s the same with me and relationships. No means no. There’s no hidden meaning behind it, there’s no reason behind it, I’m not playing hard to get and I’m not friend-zoning (or whatever you hipster 9gag lurkers call it) you; just NO. It’s coz I effing DON’T LIKE YOU THAT WAY. And there is nothing you can do to ‘come out’ or ‘escape’ the ‘friend-zone’ unless you die and be reborn as an adult man and we meet again under totally difference circumstances lol.
I digress.
(I’m kidding about the reborn part.)
Asked by sosuemealready
Yeah, damn assignment took me 2 weeks to complete. Haha. Glad it’s over with. And thank you! ;__;
Well imho, I think being a commerce student is better than being a journalism student. Because journalism requires connections or it’s impossible to be at the front lines. And it also needs loads of stamina and physical energy (not to mention mental too) since you actually have to go out there to come across scenarios worth writing about.
Not forgetting skills; in order to get the information you want. Along the way, you might even make ‘important’ enemies because of the things you write about them.
But it’s not to say I discourage anyone from taking it up. In fact, I really admire journalists! They’re super headstrong and determined to get the job done. As annoying as it may sound, it’s inspiring if you look at it from a different approach!
Don’t worry, I’m majoring in Public Relations and I almost broke down the first month too. Just remember this: The beginning is always the hardest.
加油！
Reporter: Natalie Chin Shi Ryn (23615168)
Title: Monash University Walkway
Purpose: Informative News Piece
Newsworthiness: Proximity/Impact
Laughing. The sad kinda laugh. Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Hahahahahaha. The life of a journalism student. Gah. The editing is shit, the recording is shit, the audio is shit… the only thing I’m proud of are the subtitles lol. Took me 2 hours to figure that out, I deserve the right to gloat okay! T__T HD PLEASE, SIR. FOR THE SUBS? *begs*
I ain’t even gonna attempt to rationalize my bad accent; especially at the end. I DON’T EVEN SOUND LIKE MYSELF. I swear I wasn’t forcing the slang. It just friggin’ happened.
That’s why I’m not majoring in this. It’s kinda hard to score. PUBLIC RELATIONS FTW. I almost typed pubic.
(Click on ‘CC’ for subs. If you don’t see it, go to the YouTube page. It should be located at the bottom right of the timeline.)
Went on a NOMNOMNOM spree with Chee Wei and Lawrence again! We should do this every week guys… *glutton*
But you don’t really care for music, do you?
I come from a more than decent family (who doesn’t even let me say ‘shit’ at times).
I’m still single (have been for a while and I’m ready to die alone).
I’m still a virgin (gonna probably die a virgin lololol).
I don’t smoke (it gives me asthma).
I don’t like drinking (but I don’t mind it).
I hate loud places.
AND I feel like I need to elucidate this; even though it’s not as relevant as those stated above: younger boys do NOT appeal to me. Same goes to guys that are my age (I only like older men, so sue me). And not just guys who are one or two years older. When I say older, I mean MUCH OLDER. Like, 4-6 years older.
People think I’m some cougar y’know? Just because I click well with younger dudes, doesn’t mean I like them romantically can?
For god’s sake, I have a younger brother who’s friggin’ 15 this year (but looks 17). I cannot date anyone younger than me because it just reminds me a great deal of my baby bro. AND THAT’S CREEPY ASS.
(This is the final entry I’m dedicating to explaining myself. No more. I don’t find the need to always justify my actions anymore. It’s my life, my rules. Don’t like me, gtfo of my life. Simple as that. The only people I’ll be turning to for advice are my close friends and family.)
Asked by scruffeekebbell
HELLO! *WAVES* Thank you so much for following me; of course I don’t mind! I just really hope I don’t disappoint you with the crap I post on my blog. D: *HUGS*
Natalie Shi Ryn. 1993. Malaysian. Chinese. ♔ Unpleasantly frank. ♥ This blog is best viewed with Mozilla Firefox. ☮
